Rules When Dealing with IT Support
Found this at the "LAN of the Lost" Web site, an oldie but a goodie
- When an IT support engineer says hes coming right over, go away for a coffee. Its nothing for us to remember everyones screensaver password.
- When you call IT support to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures and other assorted detritus. We dont have a life so we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
- When IT support sends you an email with high importance, delete it immediately. Were just testing the public groups.
- When an IT support engineer is eating his lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts out - we only exist to serve.
- When a IT support engineer is having a smoke in the smoking room, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we smoke at all is to ferret out those clients who dont have access to email or a telephone.
- Send urgent email in UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
- When you call an IT support engineers direct line, press 5 to skip the bilingual greeting that tells you hes out of town for a week, record your message and wait exactly 24 hrs before you send an email to the managing director because no-one ever returned your call. You are, after all, entitled to common courtesy.
- When the photocopier doesnt work, call IT support. After all, theres electronics in it. In fact, why not call them if the fax machine, desktop calculator, or the security swipe card access to the gym stops working. Theyre all electronic too so it must be our responsibility to sort it out.
- When youre getting a NO DIAL TONE message from home, call IT support so we can fix your line from the office.
- When something is wrong with your home PC, dump it on a IT support engineers desk with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a challenge.
- When you have IT Support on the phone walking you through changing a setting, read the paper. We dont actually mean for you to do anything, we just love the sound of our own voices.
- When we offer training on the new software package, dont bother. Well be there to hold your hand once its complete
- When the printer wont print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Everyone knows print jobs get sucked into black holes every now and then.
- When the printer STILL wont print after 20 attempts, send the job to every other printer in the building. One of them is bound to work.
- Dont ever, ever, ever use online help - that is for wimps & people with no social or communication skills. It was only ever written into the application for a bit of a laugh anyway.
- If youre taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for you and all your co-workers. Were grateful for any overtime we can get.
- When you have an IT support engineer fixing your PC at 12:15, eat your lunch in front of him. We function better when wracked with pangs of hunger.
- Dont EVER thank us - were paid for doing this. In fact feel free to be as rude and abrupt as you want.
- When an IT support engineer asks you if youve installed any new software on your computer, LIE. Its not our business what youve got on the PC.
- If a mouse cable keeps knocking down the picture of your loved one, lift the computer and trap the cable. Mouse cables were designed to have 45lbs of computer sitting on top of them.
- If the spacebar on your computer doesnt work, blame it on the Exchange upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of biscuit crumbs and nail clippings in them.
- When you get a message asking "Are You Sure?", click on that YES button as fast as possible. Hell, if you werent sure, you wouldnt be doing it in the first place, would you?
- Feel free to say things like "I dont know nothing about that computer crap". We dont mind hearing our area of expertise referred to as crap.
- When you need to change the toner cartridge, call IT support. Changing the cartridge is an extremely technical task and Hewlett Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a masters degree in Nuclear Physics.
- When something is the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the helpdesk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third-party who knows nothing about the problem.
- When you receive a 300 MB AVI file, send it on to everyone as a mail attachment. Weve got LOADS of disk space on the server.
- Dont even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Someone else may sneak a memo into the queue.
- If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in over the weekend and do his projects on your work PC. Well be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 2000 makes your Access 2000 disappear and riddles your PC with viruses.
- When you bring your own personal home PC in for repair in the office leave the documentation at home. Dont worry, well find all the settings and drivers on the Internet.
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