(Calls people on a Computer Help Desk have to put up with.)


Author unknown





Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one...


*              *              *


Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette  out.

Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a  note ..."

Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't  inserted it yet... it's

Still  on my desk... sorry ....


*              *              *


Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to  the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?


*              *              *


Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and  ...

Male Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting  technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!


*              *              *


Customer: Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't  print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the  printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...


*              *              *


Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?

Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.


*              *              *


Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for  me in the supermarket.


*              *              *


Helpdesk: And now hit F8.

Customer: It's not working.

Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?

Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told  me, but nothing's happening...


*              *              *


Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the  computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10  paces back.

Customer: OK

Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not  plugged in. Is there

Another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here.  Ah...that one does work!


*              *              *


Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a  as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?


*              *              *


A customer couldn't get on the internet.

Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right  password?

Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do  it.

Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password  was?

Customer: Five stars.


*              *              *


Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


*              *              *


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has  placed a screensaver

On My computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!


*              *              *


Customer: I have a problem, my coffee cup holder just snapped

Helpdesk: Cupholder?

Customer: Yeah, the one in the computer, you push a button and it comes out. Mine just snapped off when I put my cup on it

Helpdesk: Ummm, that’s the CD-ROM, it’s not designed to hold coffee cups.

Customer: Oh.


*              *              *


Helpdesk: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the  problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?


*     *     *


In the days of 5 inch diskettes.

Customer: Please help, my floppy disk isn’t working.

Helpdesk: Is it inserted in the drive properly?

Customer: Yes, it came back to me from a colleague with a note stapled on it for some changes I had to make on a file.

Helpdesk: Did you say “STAPLED on it”

Customer: Yes. Is that a bad thing?


*     *     *


And perhaps the most famous Helpdesk call of all…

Customer: I can’t find the ANY key! I’ve looked everywhere for it

Helpdesk: Any key?

Customer: Yes the message says “Press ANY key to continue” and it’s not here.


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